I am not sure if I am fully prepared to end my hiatus, but I feel guilty for not responding to the MANY comments and emails that I have received in the past 5 weeks. So, I will re-enter the blogosphere...
I went dark for a few reasons. The dichotomy had been tugging at my conscience for a while. I am a wife, mother, daughter, [career title], and friend. And while the double life can be quite thrilling, I am reminded of the immorality of my actions at the most inconvenient moments (... in church... in the gynecologist's office... you get the picture). A few people who read the blog even emailed me to point out that by meeting a man on Ashley Madison, I was in essence "The Other Woman". Gee, thanks.
Then there was one night when DH and I had a little misunderstanding, and that sent me into a funk, so I shut things down for a while. We talked about it later and things are fine, but the desire to blog was not there.
Thank you to those who sent well wishes and kind words. Your support did not go unnoticed. To thank you for your kindness, I want to send a shout out and some extra blogosphere traffic over to Hubman, Riff, Southern Swinger, Tony, Quiet Man, Scandalous Housewife, Whitenoise, Me, Bacon, Krazy, Bullwinkle, JessTess, Kyra, Mike, Infidelity_Curiousity, Guardian, Naughty Girl, Ocean Sailor, Jenna, and Cheri.
To those of you who do not have blogs, thank you for commenting and/or coming out of the wood work! A few of you even created accounts just to leave me a comment - THANKS! (Apologies to anyone I left off the list!) I would be remiss if I failed to thank those of you who follow this blog, DESPITE the lack of new posts. My list of followers grew considerably over the last month... go figure!
One of the overwhelming topics among the comments/emails was the suggestion to screen comments before they get published on the blog. For the most part, I have not had issues with the content of the comments. There was a brief period when I did censor comments because of a 'spammer', but he is long gone. In the di-chot-o-my post I said ... I have come to realize that the majority of my readers are simply horny people looking for a decent sex blog to read for pleasure. Those types of messages were all via private email, not posted comments, but for some reason some readers misunderstood. I appreciate the support of those who partake in alternative lifestyles, as well as those who are curious about hotwives and swinging, and I welcome their comments in my suburbia. I no longer judge adulterers so harshly, and their support on here is welcome, too. What I found to be hurtful were the crude emails I received from others.
About the PSA:
Yes, DH is fully aware of all my confessions. We communicate about all aspects of my endeavors. But, what some of my readers failed to consider or recognize was that I live in fear of being discovered in real life. DH and my lovers are the only people who know my identity and my extramarital affairs. (I do not tell my lovers about this blog, and they know me only by my pseudonym). If a family member, friend, or coworker were to learn of my double life I would deleted the blog entirely and cease all acts of infidelity. I may have sounded too harsh when I published the PSA, but I needed to communicate the need for care, respect, and understanding in times of trouble.
So, where does this leave me?
Well, I know I owe you all the conclusion of confession about The Renaissance Man. I am not ready to blog about that night yet. You see, I allowed myself to talk openly to him about my career, family, and my life, which made me feel vulnerable. That vulnerable feeling is causing writer's block whenever I try to pen my confession about our date in a hotel room. I am sure it is hard for you to understand, because it is hard for me to explain, but it is what it is.
So, if you are willing to put up with me, stick around. I am like Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog: I saw my shadow and I was compelled to retreat. I am not ready to emerge, but check back in the future...
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