9.12.2010

Musing... My Tangled Web

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
    Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.
There are times when I find myself lost in thought, and Sir Walter Scott’s words strike me and snap me back into reality.  They are interesting thoughts, though. 
Thoughts of passion, surprise, acceptance, understanding, curiosity, desire, confusion… 

These thoughts swirl around in my brain, tug at my conscience, turn me on, make me smile, and make me choose my words carefully depending on to whom I am speaking. 

… and that is when I feel like Sir Walter Scott’s words ring true the most.  When I am engaged in daily conversations with friends, family, coworkers, or lovers, I must be aware, or else I fear I will become snarled in my own web of deceit.  I choose to keep my double life as a hotwife private, so it is a web of my own creation, and a consequence I must manage.

This consequential web was easy to manage when I met men from Ashley Madison or in a bar.  I had no ties to them, and each encounter was titillating, yet brief.  I could be honest about my reason for meeting them if I desired.  Now, however, I find myself in a different situation.  Well, two situations actually.  Both of which cause me to navigate my web with caution.

I have introduced you to The Doctor, and told about some of my experiences with him.  (Yes, dear readers, there is another secret confession about The Doctor that has yet to be told.)  I must carefully mind my complicated web when I talk with The Doctor.

I have not confessed anything about my most recent lover, the one that has caused me to reflect on my tangled web the most, and the one I have been with repeatedly.  I hesitate assign a moniker for him, for am not sure I can even blog about him.  I will say that the attraction we feel for one another is undeniable... and hot! 
In the months since our paths first crossed my consequential web has become that much more tangled.