2.11.2009

di⋅chot⋅o⋅my

1. division into two parts, kinds, etc.; subdivision into halves or pairs.
2. division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups:
a dichotomy between thought and action.



I am struggling with my double life.


On one hand I am a mother, wife, professional in my career, and friend. On the other I live out what was once a sexual fantasy, spoken of only in the dark of the night in my bedroom. The conflict I feel within myself has been nagging at my conscious more than usual of late.
No apologies, just an explanation for my brief absence, and the ((probably) temporary) omission of my confessions.


And speaking of my absence, I feel compelled to post this
Public Service Announcement:
When an infidelity/sex blog suddenly goes dark, it often spells one thing, t-r-o-u-b-l-e.
In my case, the trouble is internal, not something more serious. I was prepared to receive a few emails from blogging friends when I decided to restrict access to my blog. What I did not plan on, were numerous requests for blog invitations from people who rarely, or never, commented/emailed previously (and some of those people were pretty pushy, sending multiple requests!). I did the math, and only 13% of the messages in my inbox expressed a concern about my well-being. Am I looking for pity? No, but I have come to realize that the majority of my readers are simply horny people looking for a decent sex blog to read for pleasure. This epiphany has made me consider using the privacy option, inviting only long time cyber-friends.

For now, the privacy option has been removed, but all other confessions are hidden, until I feel back in the swing of things.

38 comments:

Southern Swinger said...

Those who venture to a sexual practice that is not within the bounds approved by the society around us are leading a double life. As a swinger, we often worried about discovery. These are secrets we only share with like minded friends. Hence the blog. We can write with out fear of condemnation. Until of course we are discovered. I do look forward to your postings and if you do go "Private" hope you invite us.

Hubman said...

We can relate to the whole readers-coming-out-of-nowhere phenomenon- it happened to us when we created our now-defunct private blog.

Your internal conflict is entirely understandable. Like Southern Swinger, we too are concerned about discovery, and take steps to protect our identity. [Well, unless we know and like you...]

I'm glad to see that your back. As much as I look forward to future posts, I'm happier to know that you're OK.

Viking68 said...

SWB,
First, I have enjoyed your posts of your adventures almost from the begining. They have always had the tone and timber of reality to them!Your candor made your blogs real! I guess I should have told you that sooner, but I don't often comment on blogs.
I totally understand your concerns and the two lives you feel you are living. The fact is it is one life. You are the one that has to integrate the two. I thought you had accomplished it pretty well.
Really, the only person that should be concerned is your husband. If he is OK then there must not be anything too wrong in your life.
I truely wish you and your husband the best of luck.
Thank you for the chance to be a very small part of your adventures.
Viking68

Tony said...

Just found your blog 2 days before it went private...really enjoyed it. Sorry to hear things are were not going well :(

Scandalous Housewife said...

You could always "approve" the comments before posting, then ignore the ones that are simple Pervy McPervs...

Alan said...

Dear SWB,

I'm sorry you've had such a disappointing response from your readers, please let me say for those of us who follow your blog but are a little too shy to comment, we really appreciate what you're doing and it's been a joy to follow your adventures and your awakening to this lifestyle. Reading about your feelings and your husband's would be wonderful even if you just suggested the activities causing them without all the explicit detail that gets the "one-handed readers" going. I can understand exactly why you're struggling with the dichotomy, I've been through something similar myself and come out the other side, so I hope you can see the way through too.

Take care,
Al
xxx

Whitenoise said...

I think I commented here once before. I'm not here for porn, it's the human aspect of your story that intrigues me, and, yes, I feel empathy for you or fir anyone else who has the temerity to put it all out on a blog for the world to see. I hope it works out for you whether you close this chapter of your life or not. I also hope that you continue to write about what happens in your life- okay, wouldn't be quite as interesting if you morphed into a cooking blog- but more more to ya.

Me said...

While I enjoy reading your blog, I totally understand your need to keep it private. Hopefully you'll continue to share your adventures with us.

Arthur said...

Well, yes, to a point, I read your blog for the erotica. You write so well and you were exploring an area I had never traveled. But I also read with an ear to find out what it's like. If your look down your blog roll you will see my sprinkled comments on the blogs we all tend to read. (We are such an incestuous bunch) Unlike Meeting Madison and Infidel, I didn't realize your absence was a sign of trouble. I have nothing but positive thoughts for you and your family as you work through this. You have my utmost respect as a writer, a mom, a wife, and a woman exploring her boundaries. Good Luck!

Bacon said...

ah...the dichotomy issue is one that we are struggling with just a bit at the moment as well. Questions like "Are we really cut out for this?", "Can we continue to do this more and more and still face each other in the morning?"

Those questions coupled with opening ourselves up to anyone with a browser to read and watch us travel this path is, on occasion, a bit overwhelming. I can certainly empathize with you.

btw - I apologize for us not even noticing your blog went dark. We're using a feed to visit our blogging friends recently updated blogs, and since yours wasn't updated (since it went private) we didn't stop by.

I wish you the best and am sure that you will continue to work through your own dichotomy with thoughtfulness and grace. I look forward to hearing at least the outcome of your decision, if you decide to cease your blogging experience.

Best wishes to a great fellow blogger SH!!

P.S. If you want to talk offline, please email us. We'd love to talk with you further - it could be helpful for both us and you.

Krazy said...

I personally read your blog because I am passionate to learn about human relationships. To me this is a window to something I don't think I could do, but that I find fascinating. I know there are pervs everywhere, but there's also people like me that wonder if you are not writing because maybe you are not inspired. It never crossed my mind to think you were in trouble.

I hope you figure out what works for you. Sounds easier than it is, right?

XXOO
Krazy

Brother J said...

SWB,

I'm a reader/never commented or sent email. I truly enjoy your stories and I was actually a little concerned when that something had happened when you went dark for a few days. I understand now.

Come back when you are ready, but if you don't,thanks for the incredibly hot stories. I'll miss them.

Bullwinkle said...

FYI -- since I imagine from your comments you might like to know a bit about those who read you here. I follow you, haven't done so for long, and don't believe I've ever commented before. If you went private, I'd be sorry, perhaps would ask for an invite, but not more than once.

Since I follow you, I tend to come here when there is a new posting, and it slips my notice when you go dark.

I find blogs like yours looking I guess for Erotica, but if I come back it is because I finds something more. Something about the human side of the explorations you are engaged in, the pleasures and the costs. You do a good job. I hope the blog itself hasn't been a cost for you.

Thanks.

(Also, you know, when it comes to sex most of us lead double lives -- there is almost always a closed door, even if what happens behind it is not unusual or shocking.

deliciousinner said...

Your readers all owe you something for all that you and DH have written. Thanks for that: you're both generous people to say the very least.

My view of these relationships is that what you and DH have been doing is entirely legit and if it breaks a taboo that's only because it's so healthy. The world is half-prison, half mad-house and hell, as Harold Pinter said.

All the more reason to cherish and care and consider each other caringly and tenderly. Sex is play, a way of sharing and loving. If your hotwifing lifestyle no longer pleases you and makes you both happy, stop it.

Thanks again. I certainly wish you and DH the affection and happiness so much part of you both.

deliciousinner xx

JessTess said...

Girl, I hear ya. Well, not really. My blog is so new, that I'm just thrilled that anyone will read it. Period. Horny or not, that's really what started me. Then I started getting sucked into the actual lives, emotions and psyche of the bloggers.

And now I'm hooked. HOOKED!

Riff Dog said...

Gimme an invitation to yer privit blog please!

;-)

Take your time and do what you and HotWife's Husband are comfortable with. That conflict is a tough one.

We'll be here when (and if) you're ready.

Kyra said...

Hmmmm. I've been a little quiet myself. And funny I seem to get fewer pervy emails as a result :(

I didn't notice you were private for a while. I'm sorry you're struggling. You'll find your way.

Do I love reading the hot stories? Oh hells yeah. But I love reading whatever it is you write (and HWH too). Always have and I always will (or until you stop anyway.)

Hugs to you both. That's right, sandwich me in there between you two. Now... Who's grabbing my ass?

daggett said...

I admit to being one of those readers who don't comment. I often comment in my head and sometimes outloud, but I've never written the comments down and hit the "publish comments" button. I missed you when you went private and I thought something might be wrong, but I found it hard to ask if everything was ok because I'd never ventured out to comment before. I do hope everything works out well for you. I have enjoyed reading your confessions and hope you continue. I hope I can be invited to to read. Actually it feels kind of good to comment and become part of this community.

Arizona Marrried Couple said...

We only discovered your wonderful blog a few weeks ago and really enjoy it as so many others do. James and I are starting our own adventures and find much comfort in this supportive community. We believe that the sincerity you demonstrate in your posts are influencing your current feelings. We wish you all the best.

Susi

MikeCindynJoe said...

Take your time, Darlin'.

Mike

Lu said...

I really enjoy reading your posts. My wife has had some great experiences but on some occasions has a hard time articulating them to me...

You put the reader in the situation with you and offer real person's perspective about what you are feeling. That is cool.

Infidelity_Curiousity said...

Maybe you dont realize the insight you have given others by opening up, with that being said whatever you decide is your decision and best of luck to you. Thanks for sharing.

Michael said...

dang.....I bookmarked this a while back to come back to, and now learn that I missed it. Was hoping for some emotional/mental feedback on what it was like to actually live this lifestyle, for it has always been a fantasy.

Guess for now it will stay that way.

I hope you get your stuff back together and back to feeling A-Ok about things. I totally understand the pendulum-like nature of such things. Take care!!!

Suburban Hotwife said...

Hello, all!
Thanks for the support and kind words, both here and via email.

As soon as I feel the writer in me ready to emerge, I will post again, and the blog will be open (no invitation necessary).

I have enjoyed 'meeting' the anonymous readers, I and hope that those of you who came out of the woodwork will continue to comment and send emails. Your affirmations are encouraging!

Yours truly,
SuburbanHotwife

-MAXX- said...

This is my first visit. I'm no stranger to the duality tugging at you. I hope you find a way to resolve your internal conflict which will restore your peace, sense of balance, and sssatisfaction.

-MAXX-

Guardian said...

Good Afternoon:
Just a quick note to tell you it is only natural to have these feelings. Honesty with ones self is the only sure for this...Check out my blog when you get a minute as I sent you an email some time ago asking for comments...Hang in there!
Guardian

Naughty Girl said...

You absolutely deserve the right to take time and evaluate things on your terms.

I guess I'm just a reader, not really a long time cyber friend. Either way, I respect your choices regarding privacy.

Ocean Sailor said...

A lot of us understand your feelings and even more probably also understand that sometimes 'life gets in the way'.

I like others were concerned but then you wonder if you write will you be adding fuel to the fire, or has this young lady taken a break and doesn't really want to be bothered. I guess I feel as though I'm between the rock and the hard spot. It's a tough call on both sides of the blog.

Quiet Man said...

I hope that your current troubles are not serious and are alleviated soon. I've noticed that your husband has not posted to his blog in over a week and that makes me concerned that the troubles are more serious. If you decide to keep your posts private, while I will be disappointed, I fully support your decision, but please post just one more time to let us know you are OK.

I found your blog just a few weeks ago and only had time to skim it. What was unique about it was that it was from a woman's point of view. It was wonderful to read about your feelings; when you were excited, happy, nervous, scared.

My wife is definitely interested in trying this out. She started to email a few guys a couple of years ago but got nervous and quit. I was never sure if she became afraid of them or how I would react. We had a fling with a woman, and now she is ready to find a man (or two). She's just not sure how.

I would have liked for her read your blog. Your feelings and concerns may be some of her's. Your blog was a great resource for women, allowing them to read and consider if this is for them. Hearing of your triumphs and troubles. Empowering them to go for everything they deserve.

Eros said...

Interesting timing. My first visit here, linked from Seduction of Infidelity and you're considering going private. Secondly, I had to "go dark" on my blog due to big "TROUBLE".... so I understand the dichotomy to a certain extent. I do hope to return to your page and I also hope you will allow me to. From what I've read, I like your style. It's fresh and easy to read unlike so many that drone on endlessly.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

drjack said...

I've found your past blog very interesting, reading about a life very different from mine, and hope to hear later that you've kept your head high above troubled waters. In any case, my best wishes to you in the future.

rob said...

Long time reader and lurker who loves your writing(from its start) who wants to apologize to you for not writing to you during your absence from posting.
Prior to your taking the blog "private", you were addressing concerns about a particular reader who (that you were tracking) was giving you cause for concern: I am not that person, however, when you ceased to post, I assumed that it was related to that issue. Frequently when blog writers stop, the reader doesn't know if it is due to their own desire, marital issues or privacy issues. Reading your responses to comments offered to your last post, I realize that you stopped writing because of, perhaps, a sense of abandonment and disappointment in the amount/ quality of input your readers were offering. I am a reader and a fan and I hope you continue to post. I did attempt to E-Mail you but I'm not tech savvy, and the attempt wasn't successful.

I guess I need brevity at this point, because (even by my own measure!!, I've been wordy without saying much) I want to address the word dichotomy.

Words like dichotomy and duality are interesting. If you really think about what they are saying, they really mean division. I don't think that you're divided. I think that you have a loving marriage, are a great mother, and you're simply at odds with the fact that you and your husband enjoy a covert, different life-style then most of your friends and family. You really couldn't share this lifestyle with 99% of the people that you know, because you would fear the re-percussions of it. Yet, you enjoy it, you have a successful marriage and enjoy more intimacy with your husband then most spouses ever will. You're conflicted, and I understand why.

The divorce rate in America approaches 55%. That's 1/2 of the story. Take the 55%, and find out how many of those people are truly happily married. Take away the people who remain married for financial reasons, remove the senior citizens and the religious who remain married for said reasons, and I bet the genuinely happily married population plummets to 15% You and your spouse, only because you share this interest, have a better chance at remaining married (due to communication) then most marrieds do.

Men have had fetishes and fantasies from the beginning of time. They restrain them and it is the rare time that they can, without consequence, share them with someone they love.

Please write again,

Rob

Jenna said...

I can very much identify with the internal conflict you talk about. It's very real and hard for others to completely understand sometimes. Wish you back when you're ready...

Cheri said...

As you know, I have experienced the same "double life" issues throughout the years. It certainly plays with your mind and your inner soul. And while there will be the horny and rude people who will visit, remember there are those who do care, you are a part of their life and their friend.
But in the end, you do what is best for you and your well being! Glad you are okay!

Jim said...

Actually, I wouldn't read too much into the quality of comments / requests you received during your hiatus. I read your husband's comments about your hiatus on his blog and simply got the impression you were taking a break. Not due to any issues/conflicts, simply that you were busy. Since people have lives outside of blogs, I figured it was as simple as that.

Princess Mina said...

I just found your blog and I am enjoying reading it. Balancing fantasy and day-to-day reality is always tough. I'm a suburban hot wife too, so I completely understand. :)

Mina
thehappycuckoldress.blogspot.com

pillowtalkpress said...

I am amazed when I look at the traffic on my own site at how few people comment.

My blog is more about story telling than confession. So I can not say that understand. But the pressure I have received to participate in things like HNT etc. tells me that, because I write erotica I must be that way inclined. To want to flash, etc.

All that to say, I get both what I want from the blog and .... what I don't want. I don't blame you for going private. In my case - I want the traffic so it's not an option and I just delete and permanently spam those that I find insulting or insensitive.

In the end - it really boils down to what you want the blog to be for you. It has to work ... only for you.
Ok stepping off little tiny soap box now …*blush*

D. J. said...

I know I am making a comment on an old post, but hope you still read and want to here from new readers. I just Started reading 2 days ago from the start. Just needed to comment on this entry. From what I have read I can understand your feelings about possible "perv" readers not caring about you (just here for the sex). I will admit I'm not sure of my own feelings on why I am reading your blog, but I do know enjoy it. I think it may be to try to get a female point of view on this topic. My situation is some what like your "DH" however my wife is less forth coming to me then you seem to be your DH. She has found the need and desire to find out what she has missed by getting married so young. We have been married for 32 years and I was the 1st guy in her life (and pants) back when we were both in High School. She has stepped out on my a few times over our married life together. Both with and without my knowledge and consent. My biggest problem with this is she does not seem to be willing to discuss her activities or feelings with me. Sorry for rambling, what I am trying to say is thank you for sharing (with both DH and your readers) your experiences and feelings on this topic. I wish my wife felt as free and willing to share.