Breaking my silence

Dear Readers,
I am not sure if I am fully prepared to end my hiatus, but I feel guilty for not responding to the MANY comments and emails that I have received in the past 5 weeks. So, I will re-enter the blogosphere...

My Hiatus:
I went dark for a few reasons. The dichotomy had been tugging at my conscience for a while. I am a wife, mother, daughter, [career title], and friend. And while the double life can be quite thrilling, I am reminded of the immorality of my actions at the most inconvenient moments (... in church... in the gynecologist's office... you get the picture). A few people who read the blog even emailed me to point out that by meeting a man on Ashley Madison, I was in essence "The Other Woman". Gee, thanks.
Then there was one night when DH and I had a little misunderstanding, and that sent me into a funk, so I shut things down for a while. We talked about it later and things are fine, but the desire to blog was not there.

Thank you to those who sent well wishes and kind words. Your support did not go unnoticed. To thank you for your kindness, I want to send a shout out and some extra blogosphere traffic over to Hubman, Riff, Southern Swinger, Tony, Quiet Man, Scandalous Housewife, Whitenoise, Me, Bacon, Krazy, Bullwinkle, JessTess, Kyra, Mike, Infidelity_Curiousity, Guardian, Naughty Girl, Ocean Sailor, Jenna, and Cheri.
To those of you who do not have blogs, thank you for commenting and/or coming out of the wood work! A few of you even created accounts just to leave me a comment - THANKS! (Apologies to anyone I left off the list!) I would be remiss if I failed to thank those of you who follow this blog, DESPITE the lack of new posts. My list of followers grew considerably over the last month... go figure!

My response:
One of the overwhelming topics among the comments/emails was the suggestion to screen comments before they get published on the blog. For the most part, I have not had issues with the content of the comments. There was a brief period when I did censor comments because of a 'spammer', but he is long gone. In the di-chot-o-my post I said ... I have come to realize that the majority of my readers are simply horny people looking for a decent sex blog to read for pleasure. Those types of messages were all via private email, not posted comments, but for some reason some readers misunderstood. I appreciate the support of those who partake in alternative lifestyles, as well as those who are curious about hotwives and swinging, and I welcome their comments in my suburbia. I no longer judge adulterers so harshly, and their support on here is welcome, too. What I found to be hurtful were the crude emails I received from others.

About the PSA:
Yes, DH is fully aware of all my confessions. We communicate about all aspects of my endeavors. But, what some of my readers failed to consider or recognize was that I live in fear of being discovered in real life. DH and my lovers are the only people who know my identity and my extramarital affairs. (I do not tell my lovers about this blog, and they know me only by my pseudonym). If a family member, friend, or coworker were to learn of my double life I would deleted the blog entirely and cease all acts of infidelity. I may have sounded too harsh when I published the PSA, but I needed to communicate the need for care, respect, and understanding in times of trouble.

So, where does this leave me?
Well, I know I owe you all the conclusion of confession about The Renaissance Man. I am not ready to blog about that night yet. You see, I allowed myself to talk openly to him about my career, family, and my life, which made me feel vulnerable. That vulnerable feeling is causing writer's block whenever I try to pen my confession about our date in a hotel room. I am sure it is hard for you to understand, because it is hard for me to explain, but it is what it is.

So, if you are willing to put up with me, stick around. I am like
Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog: I saw my shadow and I was compelled to retreat. I am not ready to emerge, but check back in the future...



bdenied said...

we will wait because I for one love hearing the exploits of married ladies who are not afraid to find solace in other beds other than the marital bed...I dont think what you do is immoral because there is not dishonesty to it and frankly your not responsible for the other guys marital feelings.....my opinion...having a wife who does other men is hot and if they are married thats there problem not ours.....if it is a problem that is....

Kyra said...

I'm with bdenied on the morality question.

But more importantly as a long-time reader who cares about you as a person, I just want you to be happy. Yes, I'm curious about hotwifing (oh to have that option!). Yes, I think your stories are hot and sexy. Both you and your DH have cause more than a few moments of arousal and, well, you can only guess I found a bit of my refuge imagining I was you or had a DH of my own who was open to my sexuality. But I'd read whatever was on your mind that you would care to share. And if it causes you any angst to do so, I say don't write about it. It's your life. What you do is no one's business but you and your DH's. I offer no judgment only good wishes for whatever your life might have in store for you.

You're beautiful and lovely.

Hugs, K

PS my word verification was 'blesses'. Feels appropriate.

Scandalous Housewife said...

If you want to remain anonymous, just don't reveal geographical info. I think part of the excitement is having a secret writing outlet to confess your encounters.

RIV said...

i have to join the chorus of agreement with Bdenied; as long as its all above board then ther isnt an issue.
I am more immoral by far than you are!

As far as sharing geographical data, that is something you should be up to you. Living in a large city allowa me to tease the three readers of my blogs to show the general area of where I have been, and the only time i am specific is when there is no way i can be picked out of a crowd.

plus it gives me a slight thrill.

Riff Dog said...

Good analogy, but the main difference between you and Punxsutawney Phil is that I don't want to have sex with Phil. ;)

Write only when you're ready, SH. Sure, we all want to hear what happened with RM. But there's not a single one of us (at least, not a single one of us normal people) that wants that at the expense of your comfort. No rush at all.

Southern Swinger said...

I picked a good time to check back in. SW and I have spent the last two weeks on our boat with no internet. When were very active in swinging, we lived in a really small town. The discovery thing is always on your mind, Look forward to continue reading your blog.

Suburban Hotwife said...

Thanks for checking back, folks!

@Scandalous Housewife- I never have, nor do I plan to include and geographical and/or personal information.

@bdenied- Thanks for the helping to put things in perspective in regards to the morality issue.

@Riff- Thanks for your gentle words, and thanks for the ridiculous image I have in my mind of you and Punxsutawney Phil... (shaking head in dismay).

@RIV- We can join the immoral club together!

@Southern Swinger- Welcome back!

@Kyra- Glad you have waited here out the storm and are still around to share your kind words of support!

Quiet Man said...

First I’m glad you decided to break your silence. Those of us that care about you and DH understand and respect your decisions on when to write and when not to.
Second, I am honored that you included me in the list of Thanks. It’s nice to see my name included among such an elite crowd. (We will see if I actually deserve it.)
Finally, I do want to hear about you and Renaissance Man, but only when and if you are ready to tell.

Southern Vixen said...

I have recently been through similiar experiences. Hang tough, girl and do what makes you happy.

We're here no matter what!

Cheers, Sugar!

Hubman said...

First of all, no need to thank me for checking in with you. You and I have already covered this ground- we may be 'sex bloggers' but we're also regular people with the same old everyday issues as anyone else, which is why I was concerned about you.

I gotta echo Riff Dog's comments as well. [Including the Punxsutawney Phil part ;-) ]

Glad to see you back!

Thru.Blu.Eyes said...

Coming back out of guilt for your readers isn't the worst thing. But you should only continue writing if the desire is there. If it isn't, the writing will become a chore. That being said, I think, for the most part, people who read your blog are not going to judge you for anything you do or say. Oh, and it's good to have you back....

Me said...

Don't know what else to add, but I'm thinking of you. {{Hugs}}

Lu said...

I'm glad your back and look forward to more!

Tony said...

Nothing wrong with following your conscience. Welcome back, in whatever capacity you see fit.

Whitenoise said...

Morality is a curious thing. It's subjective, and, across a wide spectrum of humanity if we share values at all we do it only by degrees.

I confess that I do like reading about the sex. I am a "normal" man afterall. Defying the stereotype of the airline pilot, I've been married and faithful for 18 years. But, because of a spouse with a very low drive, those years have been rather dry.

So I ask myself why I read the adultery blogs... am I the kid without a nickel with his nose against the candy store window?

Maybe. But there's more too it than that. I'm interested in the people. What drives them, how they make and live with the choices they've taken. I wonder if infidelity is the crack cocaine of sexuality... I wonder how one balances a rich, rewarding life with the obligations of being a member of modern society. How much is too much and which one of us is the fool?

I don't have any answers but these blogs pose interesting questions... I hope things work themselves out for you.

Confessor X said...

You have a great group of friends and readers who will understand you if you need to stop, take a break or just have an absense. I may not comment as much as I have in the past, but I do read your posts. I understand what youre going through, there have been plenty of times when Ive said "FUCK IT!" I wanted to stop blogging, stop my fun and just get on with life...the past several months for me have been a growing period...Ive learned a lot about myself and the things I want...So, if you need a break, by all means take a break...you deserve it Im sure of it...and yes, most of us are horny and wanting a good read...but there are those of us out there that enjoy the fact that you share with us, thats what draws us to you!

so, please make sure youre happy first, we will be here either way, if the blog ends and cheering you on as it continues

Southern Vixen said...

I am one of those with an alternate lifestyle and have faced many of the concerns that you have. But I'm flesh and blood - a parent - a decent member of society - as are you...ordinary people living extraordinary lives.

Take your time. We'll be here. You rock!

Cate said...

Balancing the two lives is a challenge and at times you need to take a step back and look after yourself. Take as much time as you need... you deserve it.

Cate xxx

Matt said...

Just one more sentiment that we are glad to see your careful steps back toward new posts, but wish you to take all the time you need for yourself as the first priority. Explain just as much as you feel comfortable doing, and no more :)

yuvutu said...

It seems a lot of the hotwife bloggers are taking long breads these days. What is a man to do?

Tenpanaris said...

You go to church??!!

I'm not judging, but I'd say you should find your own morality and be happy with that, everyone else be damned. If you are actually feeling guilty before your god about your actions, then maybe you need to explore that some more.

We don't announce our lifestyle to others, and my blog is a private diary - no one else can read it. But it people find out, they find out - its ok, because we are both happy with the morality of what we are doing.

The fact that you say "I am reminded of the immorality of my actions at the most inconvenient moments" concerns me. I know forbidden fruit is sweet - but I think you will only tear yourself apart if you truly believe that what you are doing is "immoral".

We no longer believe in the bible as 'gods word' ... just an ancient book like the others, with hidden gems of wisdom, but also ancient prejudices and stupidity. We also have a moral code that we live by, even as a hotwifing couple. We feel it is important NOT to feel like we have become 'debauched' ... we enjoy sex as a spiritual thing these days - my wife is a goddess who has many devotees who pleasure her. I worship her and dont worship other goddesses. We try not to be enablers to cheaters (although our rules around that are a bit complicated - a lot depends on the guy himself - my wife wont seduce married men, but if they persue her, she wont turn them away)

Of course, every couple must make their own decisions about those things, and I could be totally wrong about the importance of having 'morals'(be they quite different from christian morals). Just sharing my opinions ...

all the best for your future ... I hope you find a balance and the dichotomy disappears!

Kyra said...

Tenpanaris - your comment was intriguing. Food for thought.

Alan said...

Just want to say that I'm thinking of you and DH and hope you're both well.

funinoh said...

We too have had similar struggles with our lifestyle choices. At the end of the day we have concluded that like anything else really the answer lies within ourselves, what others think or say means nothing. Never again will we feel shame because someone else chooses to judge us...we are happy, and believe that god wants us to be happy and enjoy each other to the fullest

Confessor X said...

I was talking to a fellow blogger and he mentioned your hubbys blog has been taken down, I hope all is still ok...thanks for sharing!!

Seattle Cuckold said...

I love the way you write!

Beren said...

I totally understanded your need for discretion, but would it be possible to make your previous confessions available for readers who came to this blog late? It really is a very sexy, real and compelling story. Thanks Beren

Sandra Barry said...

I love what you're doing and I'm a follower! Please stop by my blog and consider joining me!? Keep up the good work. Luv ya!

BlueEyes69 said...

Just wanted to say again -- nice blog. Also wanted to make my rounds today and tell all of my friends/followers that I have updated my new blog with a new name and a fresh, new look. Please stop by and rejoin us so we can continue to share our experiences.

Luv ya,

the eternal list said...

great stuff here, just discovered your cool blog

PDXsubcuck said...

Part TWO

Brandi enjoys having relationships with men. Having a friendship with her lovers means that she is more comfortable talking about her life and he shares his life as well, mutually assured knowledge...shared risk maybe.

My wife enjoys chatting between bouts of sex (you can't fuck for hours and hours without saying something LOL) and she enjoys dating, nice for us that we have had towns or cities close by that were busy enough that she could do that. She also had an outside interest(a marketing thing) that provided cover for short trips and overnights as well as dinner with a guy. But I think that the slight risk turns her on, she enjoys the feeling of being a naughty wife under her clothing...as in she used to meet a Doctor early in the morning and then go to the kid's school and help out in their classes. She felt so naughty being the "Good Mom" with her lover's come running down her legs and her body still being sensitive to her lover's touches and kisses. Such feeling of.."If they only knew that I was in bed with my lover fifteen minutes ago...!" It was a real turn on for her.

Like some of your other readers we found church morality a bit lacking...not meaning we are not spiritual but we have problems with organized religion.

But you must be happy with what you do. This is supposed to be fun and if you can't make it and keep it as "fun" it might be time to drop it if you cannot make it work for you. I hope you don't of course but I'd much rather you be happy with yourself that satisfy my casual lust and interest. We do wish you well in your future and we hope that you stay happy with the choices you make...but keep in mind you make the best choices you can with the information you have at that time and you should not kick yourself too much abut choices that turn out to have been wrong or not the best choice but learn from those "mistakes" and press on with your life.

Good fortune to you both!

PDXsubcuck said...


Got a bit too long...sorry!

Too many people reading these blogs seem to forget that the writers are people and like other people life gets in the way of life. When one is doing something that you don't want the neighbors or family to know it makes it even more complex.

We could write a book on "problems", two relatives dying, one rather messy due to a sibling, two kids, one still a teen and the other early twenties but with problems...bright and beautiful but with problems and I've got a bad back that has me off work and that means money problems and along with that two head injuries this year for me... Life does get in the way!

While one might love sex and swinging or hotwifing or cuckolding one still has a life, a spouse, maybe kids, a job, other responsibilities in life than fucking and writing about it. It is up to each person to figure out how to make it work when it can be made to work. One has to feel comfortable with the priority one gives this and with what one is doing...the rules you make with your spouse and with the "others" in your life.

I do hope that the other problems in your life are at least under control, at times I think that might be the best we can hope for.

We started with a mfm as a step to swinging and we tried and enjoyed swinging but as it turned out we enjoyed my wife playing with and without me there more than swinging. We also worried about the neighbors and friends finding out, family finding out, the "married man" question...all that kind of stuff.

In the long run the married man question was simple...it wasn't our concern it was between him and his wife. The vibes we got from a married man did effect us of course and there are some married men that Brandi would not play with, just like some single men and how a married man talked about his spouse influenced how Brandi felt about him.

Part of what turned us away from swinging was meeting or talking to some couples that were happy to fuck you but didn't want to even know you were alive otherwise. Now I can understand a married man not wanting to talk to his married lover while he is with his wife or even out and about in an area that friends or family. However two couples chatting on the street is nothing, we had the "swinger" tats on our foreheads removed a long time ago! We clean up okay and for the most part I have the drooling under control and manage not to be too much of an idiot in public.

Ron in Florida (Ronald10021) said...

Welcome back. Write as much or as little as you want. I'll keep reading. God the stories are hot.