11.14.2009

Musing: How kinky is too kinky for you?

OK, since you are reading my blog, which happens to include sexual content, I am going to say you are at least a little open minded when it comes to sex.  I am still exploring the boundaries of my sexual comfort zone, and while I am not as vanilla as I once was, I would not consider myself kinky.  I own battery operated devices that bring me pleasure, I have kissed women, dabbled in threesomes, been watched by DH as I performed a blowjob, and had sex outside of my marriage.  While these things may push the envelope for some, in my realm they are exciting and racy, but not what I consider kinky.

So why have I asked, how kinky is too kinky for you?

Well, I have been in contact with a fellow I met through Ashley Madison for the past week or so.  He found me, and right off the bat said he thinks I am perfect for him.  My AM profile does not reveal my status as a hotwife.  I prefer to share that detail in person, or at least after getting to know a man via email exchanges and chats.  He sent unsolicited nude photos in his third email to me, and he was overly excited when I revealed during a chat that DH allows and encourages me to seek sexual fun outside of our vows.  Both of these sent little red flags up in my mind, which I am acutely aware of since The Tech Guy, but since his face photo was attractive and he has a sexy accent, I maintained contact with him.

Our emails dwindled a bit after that chat due to busy schedules, so I was blown away when I read a message last night that included a suggestion of incestuous sexual activity. Whoa!  Where did that come from?!?  My impression of him immediately changed from 'eager' to 'too kinky' and I am in the midst of composing a polite yet firm email to tell him that I am no longer interested on meeting him.

So back to my question...  I know that deviant sexual behavior is on the rise (see related article @ ABC news ), but how kinky is too kinky for you?

23 comments:

XOXO Wifey said...

Suburban Hotwife baby,

I think of myself as quite adventurous but I too would draw the line where you have..

XOXO as always,

Wifey

Gray said...

I think each person has their own level of kinky. I have a list of NO's and then the rest is on the 'Lets try it and see if we like it' list. But whatever you are comfortable with, stick with it. Things set off red flags for a reason.

Hubman said...

I think you have a pretty good idea what I consider too kinky. If not, we could arrange a visit ;-)

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing by sending this guy on his way. I find that when those little mental red flags go up, there is usually a pretty good reason for it.

Petal said...

When those red flags go up its time to bail....so good on you. How much is too kinky? I'm with Grey on this one, I have my absolute NO's and then I have the list of 'lets give it a try'. Although kinkiness does change over time and through exploration but I think in spite of that, everyone will still have some things that will forever remain no.

Kyra said...

Incest falls far outside the realm of kink, IMHO. I'm not sure what the word is for it, but immoral comes to mind.

Kink to me is always between consenting adults. Where do I draw the line? Even I don't know as like you my experiences are vanilla so far. (Damn, I want to hear the story of DH watching the blowjob. Hot!)

I always imagined that I would try anything once. But offhand I would draw the line at urine, feces and cutting. Far too kinky for me!

(PS I didn't comment but loved the post about you kissing a girl!)

m g said...

TOO kinky is whatever makes you say "WTF did you just say?" Whats kinky for one might be considered vanilla for another. (Story of my life, really, I'm kind of a "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it!" kinda guy,lol.) But all you need to worry about is if its too kinky for YOU. And this guy sounds like he went over your line, so end of story for him.

JFBreak said...

Incest certainly is creepy because even without defining it, I think most people have this image of the drunk father sneaking into his daughter's bedroom and ruining her life. Just the thought of it makes me mad.

Having established that as totally gross, I suppose there are other forms of incest that most normal guys would gladly watch. Remember back in the day when guys fantasized about seeing those two sisters from Heart kissing? And don't tell me there weren't hoards of men (perverts in my book) just waiting for the day those two little twin girls from Full House,
Mary Kate and Ashley whatever, turned 18. If you had a threesome with those two chicks, there is some incest involved, at least if you can get them to do one another while you watch.

I think my point is, there is a lotta really kinky stuff that can somehow be filtered to less kinky and acceptable to some.

A man going down on a woman after she has been filled with his cum? That is kinky to some - to others, it is an enjoyable evening.

I can tell you this: For me, scat will always be too kinky.

Cunning Linguist said...

Mjust agree with many of the above sentiments. if it makes you say WTF? Then yeah that may be going too far.

Southern Swinger said...

All of the above is good advice. Another thing to consider. Could be a police sting setting you up. Always go with the gut. It will never let you down. Would completely ignore this one with no reply and a block on his username.

thedirtysideofus said...

Red flags would be a cue for me to totally get rid of him.

Arizona Marrried Couple said...

We agree with Kyra. In addition, what's up with all the information up front? This person has no tact, which is as bad as being a bad kisser.

Wil said...

I'm with Kyra. Well, not literally, but I agree with her response.

jam said...

you can never go wrong with what your gut is telling you. agree with everyone above. if it makes you go WTF then walk... skip... run... away. i will try most things once maybe twice to make my mind up about them. but i do have some firm no's. incest; urine; scat; extreme bdsm are just a few.

Tony said...

I agree...incest and anything involving minors is right out.

I also don't cross into any of the "bathroom stuff" or real, actual pain. Beyond that, I'm fairly open.

Phoenix said...

I'm another one with Kyra on this - Incest isn't kinky, it's immoral. And that's even when my image of incest isn't as gross as paedophiliac incest - just incest between consenting siblings.

There are many studies showing that sexual attraction is turned off in normal brains when siblings are raised together (though it has also been shown that it can be extraordinarily powerful if brought back together after being raised apart) so if incest occurs inside a "regular" nuclear family I believe that signals a pathology of some sort.

As for what's too kinky - I personally draw the line at anything that is physically dirty (involving waste products) or permanently physically harmful.

Kort said...

"Kinky" is relative, and it relates to each individual. What's kinky for you may be vanilla to someone else. So, to me, doing something "kinky" witha partner means doing something that stretches boundaries a bit... something new.... something a bit risque. It might be as simple as having sex where you might be seen. But if you have done that many times, it may no longer be kinky. so... kinkt is different things to different folks. Now incest... I have a different term for that. "Immoral." But that's just my opinion.

txb787 said...

Your post got me to thinking, "What's the line between kinky and creepy?" But I'm not sure it's a line; that may be thinking too linearly. So, maybe it's "What is the difference between kinky and creepy?" That shouldn't be taken as a rhetorical question meant to suggest that anything kinky is creepy! It's an acknowledgement that they are two different things.

I think the difference lies in each person, and their attitude or intent. I think something is kinky when it's out of the "norm" (whatever that is would be a whole different topic) but participated in consentingly by any party involved, and where each party has consideration for all other parties. For example, in my opinion, a golden shower is kinky if the one giving the shower knows the recipient enjoys it and vice versa. The same act is creepy if the giver is doing it because (or only because) it makes him or her feel powerful or makes the other person feel degraded.

To me, the guy you described sounded creepy, because he sounded like a predator or someone only out for self-gratification. (obviously that assessment is based on very little.) Without more details, the incest thing wouldn't affect my perception. It could be just fantasy (kinky), something that happened between consenting adults with no type of victimization (probably kinky), or something that happened with some kind of ugly undertones (creepy at best, possibly sick and criminal.)

ABC's of Swinging said...

Really enjoyed your blog. To answer your question, it depends on each persons tastes and level of comfort. I agree with you however, incestuous affairs are not a big turn on at all.

Dude said...

No incest, urine, feces or pain for me please. Anything else with someone of legal age is pretty much okay in my book. I love sex and everything about it. Man, woman, anal, oral, top, bottom. It's all good ;-)

Unbroken said...

After the post about kissing a girl, I skipped commenting and flew up to this post hoping for details! So this was NOT what I expected!! I think you know the difference between kinky and just plain wrong. Good for you to immediately draw that line.

pillowtalkpress said...

If it makes you cringe ... it's too kinky. The line is moveable. Some days yes ... some days no way.

I am so Catch me if you Can. *sigh*

relevent married guy said...

As open as we are in certain situations, incestuous sexual behaivor, thoughts or actual practice way crosses the line for me. Beisdes just being wrong, it is completely creepy. And if I may, since I am on my soap box this morning at the medicine show, I should also include bestiality, feces play, consuming urine, just about all urine play, and extreme rape and violence play. While we don't play in the world of BDSM, I get the fun side of that I suppose, but it doesn't work for me. So perhaps I am not quite to open and accepting as I like to think that I am. Perhaps I am just an old fashioned guy who likes Hotwife and group play and isn't frightened by another cock. ;)

D. J. said...

I agree about most of the above. Red flags appear for a reason it's your rational minds way of saying time to bail. As for kinky and to kinky, it is all a matter of perspective. I'm sure my adult kids would feel some of my and my wife's actions over the years are to kinky, but from most other adults view points it may seem tame. No one wants to think of their parents as sexual beings.